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“Run home, little girl.”
I had just started working at a new job. One night, my mom couldn’t pick me up because she was working. It was late, so I decided take the bus rather than walk home alone. For about an hour, as I was patiently waiting for the bus, all these creeps kept stopping by and asking if I needed a ride. I didn’t even bother responding, I just ignored them.
There was this particular guy in a red car that stopped and asked if I needed a ride, I simply replied “No”. Fifteen minutes later, I see him walking towards me. I was terrified! My mind was going 1000 mph, I didn’t know what to do. I looked ahead, and just acted as if I wasn’t scared. He sat next to me and said, “Don’t be scared, I’m not going to hurt you.” I ignored him and started playing scenarios in my head. I wanted to run to my right but I figured if this guy was really out to hurt me, things would probably just get ugly. He again, asked me if I wanted a ride, I said “NO”. He got closer, so I moved further away. “If you get closer I’m going to yell.” I stated. “Who’s going to hear you.” he replied. I kept looking forward. He then had the audacity to say “I saw you sitting here by yourself looking so insecure, that I thought I would keep you company.” He then grabbed my arm and I yelled for him not to touch me! He started getting impatient and said that if I didn’t go with him, he was going to follow me home. I finally saw the bus coming, I pretended that I didn’t until it parked right in front of us. I ran inside, and the guy ran to his car which was parked around the block.
Once on the bus, I kept looking out the window and finally realized that this guy was seriously following the bus. He was driving really fast, that at one point, he actually passed the bus. I decided to get off immediately since the car was nowhere in sight, and I did not want him knowing where I lived. Another lady got off at the same times as me. I approached her and asked her to please help me. I told her that some guy had been following me. She asked where I lived, and then stated she lived in the opposite direction. “Run home, little girl.” was her advice. How nice. I walked away, and started zigzagging my way through the neighborhood. I saw the red car pass by, so I ran around the block and ended up hiding in an apartment complex. I hid under some stairs for about ten minutes, until I figured it was safe. I got out and started making my way back home. I kept looking back, and there was not one single soul in sight. I was only three blocks away from my house , as I was crossing an ally, when suddenly someone pulled me from my left side. IT WAS HIM ! He had parked in an ally, with his backdoor wide open. He pulled me by my sweater I froze, I couldn’t yell or react. He pulled me by the hair, and I started fighting back, but he got me in a choke hold and I ended up hitting my face on the side of the car door. He started fondling my breast and kissing my neck. I pushed him, and he pulled me by the neck of my sweater. I kicked him in the crotch, he kneeled in pain and so I kicked him again in the face. I started running. It felt like a nightmare, as if I was running, but getting nowhere. I finally saw someone in the distance, but I couldn’t yell because of the knot in my throat. It was a fellow classmate, he started running towards me asking what was going on. I could only point in the guy’s direction. My classmate ran over to the guy and grabbed a tree branch off the floor and swung it at him while he was getting in the car. The guy sped off. My classmate walked me home and asked me if he had raped me, I said no. I asked him to please keep it a secret, and not tell anyone.
I was so embarrassed. I got home, and took a shower. I could still feel his hands on me. I felt dirty, I scrubbed my neck until it hurt. I didn’t want to tell anyone what had happened, not even my mom. I didn’t want to hear everyone tell me that I was stupid for walking home alone, or for being out so late. I didn’t want anyone to tell me I was to blame. I am now a paranoid person. I carry pepper spray everywhere I go. I had nightmares for a long time. When people startle me or grab me a certain way, I can’t help but react violently. I regret having kept this a secret, who knows how many other women this guy has stalked, and harassed, or even raped. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this incident to anyone, and I’m so glad that I finally got the courage to talk about, or well, write about it.
It’s never too early for street harassment.
I was walking back to my apartment after running the “bear trail” pre dawn this morning (in Texas it’s just too hot during the day & I work at 6:30am) when a guy in a truck on 12th street, less than a block from my apartment, started honking at me and swerved his car more aiming at me. I flipped the guy off as he drove past, and he found his way to the center of his lane again. It was perhaps the most unnerving way to end what was otherwise a perfect run. But seriously, can’t a woman walk home AT SIX AM in peace?
“Thanks to you and your lesbian friends my daughter is going to have lesbian nightmares!”
Today is International Anti-Homophobic Day. In honor of this day, I wanted to share my own personal experience about how homophobia has affected me. Although I can name more than one incident, there is one that stands out. I was eighteen at the time, and my then girlfriend and I went to visit my friend Karen at her work. My friend Karen was on break, and we were just hanging out. I don’t know if it was a simple little kiss, or maybe even the holding of our hands that lead to a really awful mess, but it made me realize how hateful people can be. Looking back on what happened to my friend because of my actions, I really wish I would have done something about it. Whether it was helping my friend file a police report, or even just speaking out against it. It’s been a few years, but now here we are speaking out about it.
“About three or four years ago an intense incident happened that involved me, and a couple of friends. It also involved one small detail about ourselves, we were queer women. I was at work when my friend came to visit me along with her girlfriend. I was on break, and while we’re sitting down having some good laughs and just simply being ourselves we got interrupted by an older man that was sitting down with his son and his six year-old daughter (I think that was her age). The man looked very upset. He looked at my friends and said, “Now that you’ve got my daughter’s attention, what am I supposed to tell her about what you all are doing?”. The man became even more livid when our response to his comment was a very bitchy “ANYWAYS” as we turned back around, and continued to be our very happy gay old selves. The man got up and walked away with his kids. We were obviously bothered by his bigoted comment but we didn’t think much of it after that and didn’t let it get the best of us. Well, we were wrong.
When I returned to back to work, I found out that this man had filed a complaint against me. For what, you might ask? Well, he said something along the lines of, “Sure, employees aren’t responsible for what happens in the workplace, but they shouldn’t act gay in public.” Okay, of course he didn’t say those exact words, but that’s pretty much what he implied. I was very upset, but again, I let it go. A couple of hours later some random woman comes after hours to my job banging on our door for someone to let her in, all while yelling my name. We were closed, but my co-worker let her in since we didn’t know who this lady was, or what she wanted. She continued yelling out for me. I finally came out to the front to see what all the commotion was about. I was really confused about what was going on. It didn’t take long for it to click once she stated: “.. I come home only to hear about you and your little lesbian friends kissing in front of my young daughter!?!?”. Yes. Her husband had apparently told his wife about the incident. Seriously!? This man acted as if my friends were dry humping in the restaurant! At that point her homophobic words got the best of me, and I start yelling back at her, too. I lost control. I was even cursing her out in Spanish. I couldn’t believe this woman was acting as if the sight of two women kissing gave her daughter a life threatening disease. She then continued on to say, “Thanks to you and your lesbian friends my daughter is going to have lesbian nightmares!”. WOW. To this day, I don’t think anyone has ever said anything as idiotic as that to me before. Once her stupid comment hit my ears, it fueled the fire even more. At this point we were both yelling at each other back and forth, and this woman kept getting closer to me, all up in my face. She looked as if she was going to attack me at any minute. (Which in my opinion, is very pathetic. Why would a forty something year old woman even THINK about attacking an 18-year-old girl.) As we continued our verbal fight, this woman noticed there was a big 32oz. cup right in front of her. As she continued to yell at me, she reached for it, and before I knew it my face and glasses were hit by the water that was in that cup. I couldn’t believe it! I was infuriated and didn’t know what to do. I was about to lose it, but something told me to just go to the back and call my mother (who happened to be the manager) to tell her what had just happened. My co-workers were all very mad and finally escorted the woman out. In my heart, I know that this was a hate crime. Unfortunately at the time this happened, I was young and wasn’t really aware of how to handle the situation. I wish that I would have filed a police report. I highly doubt they would have done much about it, or even considered it a hate crime, but I really wish I would have taken more control.
Looking back on this incident now, I can honestly say that this has been one of the most upsetting days for me. Had they cursed at me for not taking their order right or making a mistake on the job, I would’ve let it go. But this was an attack on gay people everywhere. What’s even more mind blowing is that this little girl probably didn’t even notice my friends, or maybe if she did, she was just a little curious about what was happening since society has basically taught us to hide in the shadows. I know for a fact that this little girl felt no hate when she saw them together. However now, thanks to her parents, she probably will feel hate when she sees same sex couples.”
With all the hate crimes that have been happening in El Paso, we really want everyone to know that hate crimes are NOT OKAY. It is not the price you pay for being gay, or for even being gay friendly. Whether it’ s a comment, or an attack, speak out about it! We have your back. <3
Karen and Cassandra! xo
“They apparently sit on the steps and verbally harass whomever they feel necessary.”
MAN IN CRITICAL CONDITION AFTER ATTACK OUTSIDE DOWNTOWN EL PASO CLUB.
Open letter to the editors of The El Paso Times-
To Whom It May Concern: It has come to my attention that the events that occurred the night of Friday, May 6, 2011 at The Old Plantation, a gay nightclub downtown, are not new, and are not isolated. Unfortunately, these types of incidents have become a regular occurrence outside the front of the establishment as of late. As a member of the gay community, I have been a patron of the surrounding establishments for over ten years and have continued to see events, such as this, happen more often then I would like to admit. From what I have gathered from others within the community, the alleged gathering of individuals who purportedly invoked this specific act of violence against the young man had been asked repeatedly to vacate the premises, and now currently have opted to frequent the street in front of a nearby church, drinking, blasting music from their vehicles, and generally plague passers by. How this group is allowed to do so without any kind of intervention by any neighboring authorities is unclear to me. They apparently sit on the steps and verbally harass whomever they feel necessary. The timeline of events that occurred on this particular night is also unclear to me, as I was not there. I was not there to witness the verbal disagreement. I was not there to witness the violent physical abuse that resulted. I was not there to witness the men as they left a 22-year-old man to die in the streets. No one was there (seemingly). As I mentioned, I have been a patron of these establishments for over ten years, and would like to mention something to you that The El Paso Times did not. The Old Plantation is located on the corner of Ochoa and Paisano, two blocks away from the El Paso County Jail, several El Paso Police Department offices, a central command center and a fire station. With all of the law enforcement within walking distance of the incident, why is it that no one was able to stop it from happening? Why did it take authorities and emergency personnel such an extended amount of time to respond? Why is this not being treated at the blatant HATE CRIME that it is? Are we to believe that simply because our establishments are aimed at serving the gay community they require less security, less involvement? Whether or not the man attacked was a homosexual is ambiguous; more importantly, it is irrelevant. We, as a community, and as American citizens, not only deserve, but demand public safety and equal treatment under the law. It has come to our attention that other areas (Union Plaza, Cincinnati Street, etc.) throughout El Paso have received more attention and heavier police interaction when no incidents have been reported. The events that took place Friday, May 6, 2011 are supposedly quite vaguely represented in the media, as both the El Paso Police Department and the local media coverage have remained almost silent – regardless, it is generally felt, that as a police station and the El Paso County Jail are within walking distance, the absence of police is inexcusable. The disappointing reaction from local media outlets and law enforcement physically disgusts me. We cannot allow our city to push this issue aside any longer. We sit idly by and do nothing while national publications such as the Dallas Voice and the Advocate paint El Paso in a light of ignorance, violence, and intolerance.
- Adam Ulloa
LINKS:
Victim’s sister says El Paso beating was anti-gay hate crime; police say victim still unconscious.
Man Beaten Outside Gay Bar.
“He threatened to punch my lesbian ass.”
My friend and I were in Austin, TX for the weekend and walked down 6th street after dancing our butts off at two clubs. As we were making our way back to my friend’s car, we saw a man screaming at a crying woman on the sidewalk. We walked past, and I waited until the man left so I could ask if she was okay. When I approached her, she was crying and told me she was fine, that he was “just drunk.” At this point, the asshole came back and screamed at her, “Why the fuck are you causing so much drama?” I tried to explain that she didn’t do anything, which set him off on a very clever homophobic rant (I think the plaid shirt and short hair gave me away). If I remember correctly, he called me a “homosexual dyke” as opposed to the heterosexual dykes?? Anyway, he screamed at me for a good minute or two, all the while spitting in my face, until I told him not to hurt the woman. He replied with, “Are you fucking stupid? That is the mother of my kids!” OH! I get it. Screaming at the mother of his children is perfectly acceptable then, but he would NEVER hit her. Right, got it. After he explained his bulletproof logic as to why to why he’d never hurt her, he threatened to punch my lesbian ass.
Such a pacifist.
I walked away, but not without telling the woman to call the police if she needed help.
There was nothing else I could do in that situation, but part of me wishes he had punched me so I could have pressed charges against that sack of shit.
3-2-1!
We’ll be launching tomorrow! Who’s excited!?
Inga Muscio’s Dream
“An old woman walks into the room. All attention falls upon her. I feel her black eyes bore into my being, but still, I thrash and fight to get to the white men, outside the place where I am. The old woman walks directly up to me. She takes my wrists in her hands, and my strength-which has defied every woman, child and man in the room-is useless against her. Holding my wrists, she gently brings my arms down to my sides and begins to cry, oh, she cries from the depths of every soul that has ever graced this planet. Through her tears, she calmly, soothingly whispers, “Don’t you know, don’t you know, only our stories can fight against these men. Only our words. You must say, ‘Excuse me, sir, but I would like to tell you this story about my grandmother.’ And the man will listen; our words will enter his heart, and kill his power from the inside.” She stares into me. “Only our stories. Only our words.” She continues crying as she says all this, she is crying for ancestors, for grandchildren, for all the civilizations which have been decimated. Her crying is in my body. My sleeping, dreaming body. Her crying storms through the core of my heart. Her crying, the feeling, not the sound, her crying wakes me up. There are no tears on my face. Her crying is inside me. This is the message from the old woman with black eyeballs that swallow you in love and make you understand there is nothing to fear.“
Stories have, and will continue to change the world.
Share yours.
